yourbones:

somegirlnamedkaitlyn:

My dog understands the word “No,” so how are you going to tell me teenage boys don’t know the difference between rape and consent?

Nailed it.

(via 221bhaterstreet)

yuuuuuck:

TW: Rape, rape culture, sexual assault, man tears

The conversation that ensued on Facebook after I posted this link (about the death of Rehtaeh Parsons death after her horrifying rape ordeal).

Patrick:

I hate the expression “rape culture”.

Me:

I hate living in a goddamn rape culture.

Andrew:

rape exists in culture. it is a dangerous and abhorrent by-product, and combination of, wildly unrestrained primal procreative desire and a colossal lack of empathy. we know this. however, culture, as a whole, is not rape centric. it is not a ‘rape culture’. it may well be a cultural milieu, but to say we ‘live in a rape culture’ is far too broadly accusatory. most people i know, or even know of, would agree with you that rape is an abomination. WE ARE ON YOUR SIDE. however, the term ‘rape culture’ casts its net so wide in its implications as to be virtually meaningless, and in doing so breeds resentment against the cause itself. this haphazard accusatory angle does the cause no good. also, the people that actually need to be reached here, the ones committing or condoning the behavior (of which there obviously are a number), are going to be completely turned off by the kind of broadside attacks, the tirades, of those peddling terms like ‘rape culture’. therefore ‘rape culture’ is a rhetorical device and it is trite, platitudinous, and has no real effect. all things said, however, your passion and humanity really is very admirable and no disrespect is intended i just agree with pat up there.

Me:

You need to learn what rape culture actually means, as a term. You know how drug culture as a term doesn’t mean “our culture is all about drugs”/”we live in a culture of drugs” but instead refers to the culture of drug users etc? You know how youth culture doesn’t mean “everyone in the world is youthful”?

It is typical for those who feel that they are being “attacked” by a social justice movement to get defensive and try to derail, but honestly this is some really basic shit right here.

Rape culture does not mean WE LIVE IN A CULTURE OF RAPE. It is talking about how, when rape is a topic, the culture OF this topic is all kinds of fucked up.

And frankly, well, this: When I was sexually assaulted nothing was fucking done about it for 5 goddamn days despite the best efforts of myself, my family, and certain colleagues (rape culture in action. THAT is offensive). When something was finally done about it, it was fucking minimal (rape culture in action - THAT is offensive) and although the institution in question completely agreed that the assault occurred as stated and the assailant admitted to it, the police weren’t even contacted (rape culture in action. THAT is offensive). Meanwhile I don’t leave my house for 3 goddamn months due to not feeling safe. There are countless unreported rapes and assaults due to the fact that women do not feel safe to report, or they feel like they don’t be believed, or they feel like they will be blamed. (Victim-blaming is another thing that contributed to my slow-as-fuck recovery.) And I will write here because I fear that it MAY be necessary, that I was disgusted with and advocating against the rape culture before my assault, so no this is not a case of one choosing a cause due to personal agenda. So frankly when men (and it is ALWAYS men) sit around saying how they are offended by this discussion, or the phrases used within it, especially without actually researching what it’s all about, I don’t give a fuck that you might be offended, because I am busy being offended by much more than a fucking phrase.

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Angela:

I was told by a policewoman ‘I hope you’ve learned a lesson from this!’ When I was smacked unconscious and raped in a house- I had been out drinking for the first time in years and was with friends and looked after. Someone broke in and just helped themselves. I was supposed to learn the lesson?i was 22 and unable to ‘defend ’ myself to her remark as it was burning into my brain for so long after she said it. I was shamed.

Me:

That is so horrendous, Angela. Another prime example of the disgusting attitudes surrounding rape, and that these people believe it is up to women not to be raped, rather than up to men NOT to rape.

Angela:

I have agreed with your comments on this issue so far Julia - it took me years to get angry about her statement because I was dealing with the assault- oh and in a Hurry to leave the area I rolled my car and a whole other shit fight started. Maybe not realising her insult to me was because of the way we were to view our worth after rape. My father once told me ‘no man wants a used woman’ so I accepted the responsibility. I am a different woman now though, I wish I was more like you at that age!

Andrew:

well, what made me take issue directly, and what i attempted to ‘derail’ originally, was your comment that you hate living in it as if it was a blanket atrocity like ‘i hate living in air’. i quote; ”but to say we ‘live in a rape culture’ is far too broadly accusatory. most people i know, or even know of, would agree with you that rape is an abomination. WE ARE ON YOUR SIDE.” but i note that you went on to say, just now, that ‘rape culture does not mean we live in a culture of rape’ so i assume your original comment must have been reactionary and unconsidered. however, i stand by the statement that the broad, accusatory tone with which it is so often used is alienating and rhetorical, and that the spittle flecked tirades do the actual cause no good other than to receive a chorus of enthusiastic nods from those who already agree with you.

preaching to the choir is easy. again, i’m on your side here! and yes, i understand the use of ‘culture’ as a suffix, like its use alongside drugs or yachts or jogging. i am well aware of the distinction. no research was required to understand that nuance of language. like i said, i was taking issue with the blanket application of the term.

of course that account is an example of actual rape culture. these things do happen. it’s right fucked up. that kind of goes without saying… i COMPLETELY agree with you that incidences of actual rape culture need to be called out, and i respect your enthusiasm for doing so. seriously. i just don’t think the really intense vitriol does the cause any good. because while i took no personal offence (i’m not one to take offence at things.. i find it clouds the mind), i know a lot of people (yes, MEN. you’re right there.. but that’s who you’re trying to get through to right?) would and do. it just seems to turn away those you would most want to get through to, and leave you with those enthusiastic nodders i talked about. and i took no personal offence, really i am not one to take offence at things. i find it clouds the mind. again, this is so far from personal. take it eeeasy

Andrew

and by take it easy i mean take care/peace/shalom etc.. not calm down.

Jayme

I hate that we live in such a morally bankrupt society that there is even a need to define things such as “rape culture” or “victim blaming”.

Me

Errrrh? I live in a rape culture. I live in a music culture, I live in Australian culture, I live in feminist culture. Doesn’t mean all/Australian culture is about music or feminism though? I indeed considered what I said. I certainly didn’t bother elaborating or qualifying what I said, but that’s because I didn’t have the energy (and still I really don’t, but I couldn’t ignore your comment by any means) and didn’t know I’d be encountering people who wouldn’t bother to find out what the term meant if they did not already possess that knowledge. I was not using a blanket application of the term. MOVING ON.

In regards to the again VERY common “you’re being aggressive”/”VITRIOL”/”you’re not winning anyone over with anger” frame of mind, again so common against men because they are feeling victimised here:
FUCK NO. Victims and potential victims (this includes men!) have every goddamn right to be angry about rape culture. People have been saying this shit for decades with their ‘angel in the room’ demeanour and guess where it got them? Nowhere. It’s only recently that people are getting fucking angry and using terms like RAPE CULTURE which seem to shock and offend those who (wonder why?) assume that it’s an attack on them that actual progress is being made.

The “you need to be sweet and everything women are supposed to be in conversation” is a bunch of bullshit and is a prime example of oppressors trying to victimise themselves and again derail what’s actually going on here. People were angry and aggressive getting civil rights of many kinds in the past and they are applauded for it - it’s only when women act in such a manner that it’s a “problem” and “not doing ourselves any favours” which is INCORRECT because fuck yes we are doing ourselves favours. You know who people listen to? Angry people. Passionate people. Not whiney little bitches sitting in a corner saying “Oh, please don’t rape me.” Fuck that I’ll go the way of Emily Davison and throw myself under a goddamn horse before I worry about offending people who have no goddamn right to be offended.

And sorry not sorry for my language but fuuuuuck this permeating ignorance and derailing is just old fucking news. Totally agree though that this is in NO way personal but I think it’s a conversation that so many people need to have and it’s goddamn important.

Me:

P.S. It’s not just that anger is allowed because it gets shit done - it’s because who in their right mind wouldn’t be angry that:
-This conversation (I mean society-wisse, not you and me) is STILL happening
-People are still being blamed for their rape
-People are still suffering from rape in ways which arise from their treatment by those surrounding them post-rape
-People are still BEING RAPED

I mean it’s really more of a question of why WOULDN’T people be angry about that?

Andrew:

shit, you know, i have to agree with you. a lot of my reticence to be on side with the louder factions of this particular justice thrust (excuse the pun) was rooted in a general reluctance to associate with any group at all.. i like individuals. as soon as they group together they usually start wearing badges and talking the same and things like that and it just gets bad..

and whilst i, of course, agree as much as anyone can POSSIBLY agree that rape should be universally treated with hatred and condemnation, the (as the word we both used) vitriol and ‘lead the charge/huzzah’ attitude made me instinctively wary. but you’ve made it very clear to me exactly where i was wrong in applying that general distaste for organised groups to this, your, particular movement.

thanks for the chat, and the cognitive work out :)

huzzah!

shalom

Me:

*Runs around house with sparklers and cats*

I totally get the wanting to disassociate. That is why I was left in my bigotry for so goddamn long because I didn’t want to listen to those who I felt were classifying me. And I was wrong as fuck and it’s so liberating to just look at things as they really are without letting one’s ego come into it.

P.S. I think vitriol is a horrendous word to use in this context, I was just quoting you and explaining why I think it’s not the right word.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR A GREAT CONVERSATION.

I have a new blog. Message me for the url.

This one is attached to my new one, so yes, I will get the message. 

:)